27 Things I've Learned in 27 Years of Life

In honor of my 27th birthday, it's time to reflect on the good, the bad, and the lessons learned.

I have always loved the thought of birthdays. I love celebrating other people's birthdays. Gift-giving is one of my love languages, so it's only natural for me to enjoy a day dedicated to giving gifts or baked goods to anyone who mentions it's her birthday. When it comes to my birthday, I love the concept of celebrating it, but I eventually succumb to what is known as 'birthday depression'. I am overwhelmed by the things I haven't accomplished yet, the anxiety of becoming another year older, and the stress of planning a birthday I know I want but thinking it won't meet my expectations. This year was the first year in a while that I thoroughly enjoyed my birthday and turning another year older. It could be because I have spent so much time this past year reflecting on what truly makes me happy, or it could be because I spent one birthday weekend in Napa Valley and the following one in Tahoe. Maybe a combination? Anyway, here are 27 things I have learned in 27 years, plus some photos from the best birthday week!

1. Take time for things that matter most.

What matters most to you? For me, it's happiness. My happiness is comprised of 3 parts: adventuring, friendship, and self-care. Moving out West has really made me hone in on these areas, and I am so grateful. Oftentimes, we get caught up in our daily lives and all that needs to be done externally that we forget about our internal needs. This past year, Wesley and I have committed to traveling somewhere new each month, specifically the western side of the country. I have absolutely loved this because it has made me appreciate where we live so much more! Wesley is also the best adventure partner out there, hands down. In the past year, I have also been able to make SO many new friends while maintaining and strengthening some of my older friendships with all of the weddings and trips back home we did this year. And lastly, I decided last April that I was going to join a spa club to treat myself once a month. No regrets. While I still miss the East Coast, I am finally able to say I'm truly happy where I'm at right now.

2. Play-based learning is still learning!

This is something I learned in grad school during my pediatric clinics. Productive and successful therapy usually does not consist of drills and worksheets. Play-based learning is still learning. This is something I carried through into my adult clinics, and it was during 'play' that I saw the most incredible improvements. It is okay to have fun! We need to remember not to take life so seriously.

3. Give others the benefit of the doubt.

I have always tried to live by this, but it has really been underscored throughout my clinical experiences. We don't always know what someone has gone through or is currently going through, but it usually has nothing to do with us. If your friend is having a bad day and snaps at you suddenly, you know there were precursor events leading up to this point and can respond accordingly. The same sentiment should be for complete strangers, family, and everyone in between. It's important to take the bad moments with a grain of salt. Who knows, maybe they're just hangry.

4. People will judge you no matter what you do.

It's impossible to avoid the judgment of others regardless of your actions. It's better to focus on the opinions of those that truly matter to you. Figuring out who those people are will save you from a lot of headaches and worries.

5. Be a better version of yourself every day.

This is something I say to my students. Don't compare yourself to other people because you will always find something to be disappointed in. You can't compare apples to oranges (even though my student argues that you can...) because they are just so different from each other and delicious in their own way. Similarly, we are all so different from each other and amazing in our own way. The only true, and fair, comparison to make is to the person we were yesterday, last week, 5 years ago, etc. By committing to being a better version of yourself, you are maintaining a positive outlook of your current self and setting an achievable goal that can be measured however you see fit.

6. Just ask the question.

I learned the importance of this in grad school. I have always dreaded speaking in front of large groups, and I still do, but in order to learn all I wanted to know, I had to do the unthinkable... I had to ask the question in the middle of class with everyone judging what I said. I mean, that's the fear, right? We ask a stupid question and everyone laughs or something like that. Some questions I asked were pretty basic, but at least 2 other people had the same question; other questions I asked were very application-based and extremely helpful for my education as a clinician. But, it took me 23 years to get over my fear of asking a stupid question to realize that the person answering the question doesn't think it's stupid and most people around don't even care enough to listen. Just ask the question. It can only help you in the end.

7. Everything happens for a reason.

This has been my life motto since college. It has really transformed my way of viewing life and the mistakes I've made along the way. Instead of looking at negative past experiences as 'regrets', like dating an ex, I view it as if it had to happen in order for me to be the person I am today. Because let's be real, without those bad experiences, we wouldn't be the same person we are right now. I know for a fact I wouldn't be sitting here on this couch in a house in Redding, CA with my boyfriend and our dog if I didn't do XYZ first. Every experience is a learning experience. You learn more about yourself, what you like, what you don't like, what to do better next time, etc. The reason might not always be obvious at first, but eventually, you figure it out and it all makes sense.

8. Friends are essential nutrients.

Friends are important for your happiness and sanity. You need at least one close friend to confide in. Close friendships have been shown to boost mental and physical health. They are actually much more beneficial to our health than those multivitamins we're supposed to take daily. Be sure to make time for your friends.

9. Reduce the negativity around you.

Negativity is toxic to our mental health, which in turn negatively impacts our physical health. It is so easy to get caught up in the negatives around us -- it is evolutionary after all. But once we get going on that negative spiral in our own heads or with a friend or coworker, it is so hard to pull ourselves back up. By reducing your exposure to negativity, you reduce your risk of getting caught in that negative mindset. When we give off positive vibes, we attract positive energy back, which creates a positive loop for us. Being positive has been shown to lead to better health and social outcomes!

10. Don't ask 'why'. Ask 'what'.

I can't remember where I read this, but I stumbled upon it while I was doing research for my social communication group. When something bad happens, we tend to ask 'why'. Why are you so mean? Why are you breaking up with me? Why did I say that? When we ask 'why', it elicits a defensive reaction because it shifts the accountability and responsibility of the situation to one person. If we change our verbiage to employ 'what', we are no longer blaming or shifting accountability. What did I do or say that made her say something mean? What events led to this breakup? What happened that made me say that out loud? Asking 'what' creates an opportunity to view a situation in a more objective way that can increase your self-awareness and communication with others.

11. Cereal is a perfectly fine dinner.

In my head, a put-together 20-something would come home from work and cook an amazing dinner. Now that I'm here, I know that is definitely not the case. After a long day, nothing sounds worse than cooking a full meal and having to clean afterward. On those low motivation days, I usually reach for a bowl of Catalina Crunch cereal with some fresh berries and protein powder blended into the milk. I still have to make sure it's a balanced meal because that helps me feel full and happy, but it takes 2 minutes to make and 0 minutes to clean up. This doesn't mean I'm not 'put together'. It just means I value my sanity. Truly nothing better after a long day than curling up on the couch with a bowl of cereal and some Bravo show playing in the background.

12. Appreciate yourself.

Say nice things to yourself, congratulate yourself on the small accomplishments, and smile at the good you bring to the world. There is a lot of research that supports verbal self-affirmations for beneficial cognitive changes. Some days are harder than others, but if you learn to start appreciating yourself for the smallest things, you will start to see a shift in your mindset.

13. Make the mistake, acknowledge the mistake, and learn from the mistake.

Mistakes are bound to happen. It's not a bad thing! Mistakes get a bad rap, and when they happen, we want to sweep them under the rug. But mistakes are how we learn! If we don't acknowledge the mistake, then it's essentially in one ear and out the other. In order to learn and be better next time, we must acknowledge the mistake. This has helped me grow throughout my professional life. As far as my personal life... I'm still working on it... I mean, I am only 27...

14. All behavior is communication.

Communication is not just the words leaving our mouths but rather everything else that our bodies are doing at any given time. As a speech therapist, understanding behaviors is crucial for supporting my students. The behaviors we display can give a lot of insight into how we are feeling when we have trouble finding the words. It's important to be in tune with your loved ones' behaviors as well as your own. How do you communicate frustration or sadness or excitement when you can't find the words? In my experience, when you look at behaviors as a communication attempt, you are able to observe them through a more objective yet empathetic lens.

15. Spontaneity is good for your soul and mind.

I love being in control. I love planning. I do not like feeling unprepared. That being said, when I am forced to be spontaneous, I absolutely love it! I have so much fun just being in the moment, which is great for the soul. I laugh more, I smile more, and I cherish those memories more. It also helps my brain by firing my frontal lobe in a different way -- flexible thinking. This is the skill you need to be able to problem solve without having a breakdown. I prefer planning so I know what to expect, but when something happens that I don't expect, it can be difficult for that 'flexible thinking' part of the brain to work accordingly if it's not practiced enough. So, be a little bit more spontaneous and revel in the unexpected. You might surprise yourself!

16. Revel in the silence.

This lesson is two-fold. To be a speech therapist, you have to be a great talker, but you have to be an even better listener. As someone who was used to filling the silence to reduce that 'awkward silence', the wait times I needed to allow my patients were almost unbearable. You ask a question and then just wait. You are at the mercy of your patient's processing speed and motor planning. At first, it's very uncomfortable sitting in silence... 30 seconds go by, then a minute, maybe even 2 minutes, before you receive their answer. But, that wait time is crucial for them! They can do it independently. You just have to be patient. I have learned the importance of silence and mastered the art of waiting time. It's something that I have carried over to my personal life as well, and I highly recommend it. We also live in a world with constant noise at all hours a day. When you have a moment of stillness, turn off the TV, put your phone away, and just sit. Even just a few minutes a week help me recalibrate.

17. Call your parents weekly.

Even if it's just 10 minutes, call your mom or dad or both.

18. It's okay if you aren't where you thought you'd be right now.

When I was in college, I thought I would be married with 2 kids by now... What was I thinking? Wesley and I have been able to travel and explore lots of cool places (with more trips in the works!) that we wouldn't be able to do if we had kids. I am so grateful for the time I am spending just being an adult with real adult money and a fur baby. It's another reminder to myself to appreciate the present instead of always focusing on the 'next step'.

19. Get a hobby or two.

The mid-20s is a weird type of limbo. Some friends are still partying every weekend and others are married with babies, and you usually fall somewhere in the middle: not quite yet married or having babies but also not trying to stay out until 2 a.m. every weekend. Not to mention how difficult it is to make new friends at this age. Enter: *hobbies*. This is your way to mental sanity and making friends. I have taken up a few hobbies since moving to California as a way to make friends and fill my free time during school breaks.

20. Enjoy the little things.

The little things provide much more joy and laughter than an extravagant party ever could. It's the small interactions you have during the day that subconsciously impact your mood for better or worse. And the little things add up. Tune into the small details and interactions you encounter in a day. Appreciate them for what they are in that moment. We only recognize their significance when they aren't there anymore, similar to the warm sun on a cloudy winter day.

21. Always bring snacks.

I've learned the hard way that I should always have a snack packed. As someone who gets hangry and is gluten-free, it is crucial to always have an emergency snack on the ready. When I don't pack a snack, I always have regrets. And it's always those times where you think to yourself, "Oh I'll be fine. I'm not that hungry now." Don't talk yourself out of it. You will be a better, happier person if you just throw a bar into your bag. Just do it.

22. Give out compliments daily.

Compliments are such an easy gift to give someone, and you never know how much someone needs a little bit of positivity in her life. You can brighten someone's day and start up that positive loop for yourself. It's really a win-win.

23. Reflect on how far you've come.

Instead of worrying about all the things you haven't accomplished yet, think about all the things you have done. It's impressive, so give yourself the accolades you deserve.

24. Smile at how much more is to come.

To some, 27 years sounds so old. When you look at 27 years in perspective to the average lifespan, it's not even halfway! Think about how much time you have to accomplish your goals and all the unknown that is still to come. When I reflect on how much I've accomplished in a short 27 years, I get so excited thinking about what else I can accomplish in another 27 years!

25. Take more photos with people.

This was one of my New Year's resolutions a couple of years ago actually. Yes, live in the moment instead of on your phone... but also, take lots of photos! Take selfies, candids, posed, solo, group -- everything! Photos with people help you capture the feeling of the moment rather than just where you are.

26. Wear what makes you happy.

When you wear what makes you happy, you feel confident, and you can enjoy yourself more in that moment. Clothes bring me joy. I love any excuse to dress up and wear a cute outfit, even if that means I'm wearing heels and a skirt while everyone else is wearing leggings. It makes me happy, and it's just who I am.

27. Do something that scares you at least once a year.

It's important to challenge yourself, but we don't always choose the challenge that may lead to failure. Why? Because failure is scary! It's difficult to take the leap of faith and hope we come out on top, but when we finally do, we usually wonder why we didn't do it sooner. So, instead of waiting for everything to fall into place, take the leap of faith even if you might fail. If failure happens, ask 'what happened' (not 'why me'), learn from your mistakes, and do it again but better.